Thursday Wit

Welcome to November. I don't know where you are at, but it ain't to bad here. So far we had some cold mornings and comfortable days. Goods stuff. Well lets get into it....

207 years ago John Adams was the first president to move into the White House. Good stuff. I am sure he partied it up and all that jazz. Yeah and pink elephants would fly out of my butt. The place was barely finished and in some places not complete at all. The was little heat and it was a damp, musty place. Adams wrote this in a letter to his wife, "Before I end my letter, I pray Heaven to bestow the best of Blessings on this House and all that shall hereafter inhabit it. May none but honest and wise Men ever rule under this roof." I guess he had no clue about the Bushies, Clintons, Nixon, or Harding. Side note, interesting how he capitalized the word Men.

I am trying to cut down on the pictures I post, so this was made available for public consumption in 1512. Beautiful. If your into art that is. Some people look at that and could care less. But those people usually refer to porn as art. Which is an argument for another day. I said another day. Just look at the paintings.

ahhh, the time was 1936 - Benito Mussolini made a speech in Milan, Italy, in which he described the alliance between Italy and Nazi Germany as an "axis" running between Berlin and Rome. I bet he had no idea he just made up the name for his team. You know Hitler held that shit against him. No matter how on time the trains were. Look when your trying to take over the world and one of your minions trumps you by casting your teams name into history, you may hold a grudge. Thats all I'm sayin here...

Man o War passed on in 1947 and became Can o Glue. But seriously, that damn horse won just about everything it ran in. The only race he lost was when the race started and he wasn't even facing the start line. Hell he almost won that too, only lost by half a length. Won over a quarter mil in 1920's. Thats a lot of cash people. Then got put out to stud and sired a whole string of champs. Everyone likes a sexy winner. And for us Marylanders, in 1918 Man o' War was sold for $5,000 to Samuel D. Riddle, who brought the horse to his Glen Riddle Farm near Berlin, Maryland.

As a sire, Man o' War was impressive as well, producing more than 64 stakes winners and 200 various champions. Though many complain that Mr. Riddle did not breed him to good enough mares after the first five seasons, Man o'War still sired many greats, including American Flag and Crusader, who won back-to-back runnings of the Belmont Stakes in 1925 and 1926. Both colts earned U.S. Champion 3-Yr-Old Colt honors, and Crusader was also voted U.S. Horse of the Year. Among Man o' War's other famous offspring were Battleship, who won the 1938 English Grand National steeplechase, and War Admiral, the 1937 Triple Crown winner. Another of his offspring, Hard Tack, sired Seabiscuit. His son War Relic was his most successful sire. Tiznow, Honour and Glory, and Bertrando are all sire-line descendants of Man o' War. Many great horses, if you look long into their pedigrees, are related in some way to Man O' War.

Don't you love it when history reaches out and touches you? Stop lying you know you do. I love the fact the greatest race horse in history trotted around my neighborhood. Love it. And he was a stud too. Good stuff. Alright lets move on...

If your into music, Wham had the number 1 hit back in 1984, they were singing about Freedom. Sorry for that, also this is the day we all had to carry our sad asses to the movies to see Titanic. Who knew? Its not like we, the public, can be left alone to like things that have taste, in 2001 the number one song was "I'm Real" by J Lo. WTF? J Lo sucks. That wench spends like $8000 a day on makeup and let me say that it aint working. But its all good cause if you born today, you share a birthday with Jenny McCarthy. And thats sexy. Plus she is more than a blond with boobs. If you haven't read anything about the struggles she had with her autistic son, go look it up. That is a strong woman. Plus I watched her brief comedy on TV and I laughed a couple of times. I liked it.

Alright, get out there and convince someone else that the GOP sucks.

Wednesday Wit

Greetings amigos. Today was a pretty busy day in history. The big headline is the 95 Theses Martin Luther pounded on the door of the Wittenberg Palace Church. This kicked off the Protestant Reformation in Germany. Hey this was a good thing, but I would suggest a reformation of most churches every few years cause it looks like they could use it.

Ahhh the Battle of Britain was won by the Brits today. This held the Germans from completely rolling all of Europe at the start of WWII. Thank goodness for the Spitfire. That is a beautiful plane. She couldn't take the beating of a Messerschmitt 109, but she could hang with em. Hey it can't be understated the use of radar to figure out where the Germans were coming from. This helped get those Spitfires in the right place at the right time. Germans still bombed London, but giving up on Britain was the first mistake Hitler made. I love The Battle of Britain. It was like the best of reality TV. See the population watched this play out in the skies above them. The consequences were real. When they saw a plane go down in flames, they knew a fellow countrymen just gave it up for them. And these cats fought like it was more than there lives on the line, they knew it was family, homes, friends on the line. All they had to do was look down at the earth to see what they were fighting for. And people from this generation wonder why WWII still sticks to people the way it does. Anyway big ups for the Brits for not getting rolled.

After 14 years of chipping, sculpting, and other artistry, we got Mount Rushmore. There it is. This big old monument was completed in 1941 and it still scares the hell out of kids on a daily basis. Nothing like a 60 foot tall Teddy R to put you in your place.


And in 1993 we lost a good actor known as River Phoenix. Home slice made it to the age of 23. I place the blame on Johnny Depp.
Only because it was outside The Viper Room, Depp's club. But what they hey, Johnny didn't make River do the drugs. Look kids, if it doesn't come straight out of the ground, don't do it. Straight up. Who needs a heroin addiction anyway? That shit takes up to much of your time.

And speaking of other stupid celeb moments, does anyone remember when Debbie Gibson held that seance to get up with the spirit of Sid Vicious on this day back in 87? What would have been awesome is if Sid showed up and flung her around the room and threw up green goo on her friends. It may have extended her career more than the 14 seconds it lasted.

Alright peace out peeps.

Todays historical fit of wit.

On this day in 1938 Orson Welles decided he was going to scare the hell out of the American public. Sure sure he had no idea he was going to cause people to lose their freaking minds, but he knew that H.G. Wells' War of the Worlds would be a great retread for the media of radio. I mean look at that guy, you know it would have been good for TV too. Welles is an intense scary looking guy. Just look at that mug. That ain't a face for radio. But all kidding aside, Welles pulled off his hysteria with killer sound effects and some really good acting from his crew he had playing announcers and other characters. Hell he even had one lady in the mid west bust up in a church screaming it was the end of the world and New York had been destroyed. Good stuff. Fear is always there, in the public mind, eating at the backs of our skulls, working on our nerves. Look at 1938, 20 years removed from WWI when the newspaper industry laid the framework for driving a nation into a reactionary fear of destruction. The oncoming fear of Nazi Germany staring the world in the face, its no wonder that the population was driven like herd of spooked cattle from this great piece of entertainment. In the end Welles thought this may end his career, but it really got him noticed by Hollywood, and that gave us Citizen Kane in 1941. Which is a great flick, I recommend it. Although with todays generation, the straight acting and dialogue may render it unwatchable to many. You actually have to pay attention to speech! ahhhhhhhh.

But going a little farther back in our history today in 1735 we get the birthday of John Adams, the second President of the United States, was born in Braintree, MA. His son became the sixth President of the U.S. The first political family dynasty in the US. Somewhere you think we would have taken notice of this and tried to prevent other sons from being president if their pops ever held the office. But I guess it came down to the fact the Adams kicked some ass and we thought nepotism was a good thing. Lesson learned right? Anyway, happy birthday John Adams.

In 1945 the U.S. government announced the end of shoe rationing. I know your like what? Why the hell would you ration shoes? But see this is from another time, another war when people actually had to do without to support the army in the field. It wasn't as simple as throwing money at the situation. Aside from the fact that American soldiers are dying, WWII doesn't draw any comparison to the Iraq war. Now your could draw some comparisons between the American Revolution and the Iraq war, but you wouldn't like the fact the Continental Army was playing the role of insurgents.

Alright ladies and gents, you have a good day.

Now I have some good drinking stories but.....

nothing like this...The Great Beer-nami of 1814.

The Industrial Revolution wasn't all steam engines and textile mills. Beer production increased exponentially, as well. Fortunately, the good people of England were up to the challenge and drained kegs as fast as they were made. Brewery owners became known as "beer barons," and they spent their newfound wealth in an age-old manner -- by trying to party more than the next guy.

Case in point: In 1814, Meux's Horse Shoe Brewery in London constructed a brewing vat that was 22 feet tall and 60 feet in diameter, with an interior big enough to seat 200 for dinner -- which is exactly how its completion was celebrated. (Why 200? Because a rival had built a vat that seated 100, of course.)

After the dinner, the vat was filled to its 4,000-barrel capacity. Pretty impressive, given the grand scale of the project, but pretty unfortunate given that they overlooked a faulty supporting hoop. Yup, the vat ruptured, causing other vats to break, and the resulting commotion was heard up to 5 miles away.

A wall of 1.3 million gallons of dark beer washed down the street, caving in two buildings and killing nine people by means of "drowning, injury, poisoning by the porter fumes, or drunkenness."

The story gets even more unbelievable, though. Rescue attempts were blocked and delayed by the thousands who flocked to the area to drink directly off the road. And when survivors were finally brought to the hospital, the other patients became convinced from the smell that the hospital was serving beer to every ward except theirs. A riot broke out, and even more people were left injured.

Sadly, this incident was not deemed tragic enough at the time to merit an annual memorial service and/or reenactment.

Morning Wit on a frosty Monday...

Man I love watching the walking dead on a Monday. I was getting my shit together in my cubicle this morning and the woman who works across from me was going about her business of getting her act together. Then the horror, the horror. She was out on Friday, supposedly sick, but I know she has a new boyfriend, so who really knows? Anyway that is gossipy and I try to stay away from that. So last Thursday, in the morning she got a large tea from a fast food joint and that has been marinating on her desk since then. She comes in this morning with another large drink from the same joint and damn if she didn't get all confused and drink out of that old ass nasty drink. She is outside the back door now gaging and trying to puck that nasty shit out. Yeah it's disgusting, but it is freaking entertaining. I love a Monday like this...

From a historical standpoint, we got some cool events. Joseph Pulitzer died in 1911 which was ashame cause it would have been noteworthy to see what he would have said about how the press got involved in promoting WWI. It's a sad lesson we still haven't learned. You don't use newspaper reporters to sell a war.

Muhammad Ali (Cassius Clay) won his first professional fight in 1960. Freaking 1960. Hey I love the guy and I have watched many of his fights on the espn classics channel. The best is Richard Pryor talking about Ali in his stand ups. And if you ass isn't listening to Richard Pryor, you need to be slapped. Dude is the shinizzle. One of the best ever at saying it like he saw it. Some real wit there...

1993 - A group of U.S. athletes were attacked by skinheads in Germany. Why is this important? I can tell you this, Americans get attacked all the time by skinheads over there. It's like the south and the north in this country. Some people in German have not gotten over that WWII thing yet. Believe it. No one likes it when you walk up in their country and take their shit. No matter how right it was.

1998 - The space shuttle Discovery blasted off with John Glenn on board. Glenn was 77 years old. In 1962 he became the first American to orbit the Earth. I bet they will not do this shit again. Can you imagine if Glenn was on the shuttle when that shit fell apart in the atmosphere? How freaking stupid would NASA look then? And why they hell are they launching geriatrics in space anyway? Do we really need to know what effects space has on the 65 and above crowd? I mean how many more are we going to put up there? Seriously isn't this something that we could figure out when the situation up there is a little more commercial? You know when people are constantly heading up for martini's on the moon? And you know that shits coming. It is the only way for space to get on that fast track to exploration.

Alright, let's all remember Joe Albero Licks Balls and smile cause the week is what it is.

It's Friday bee-otches!!!!

Oh the joy! What a freaky ass week at work. I will be glad to wash my hands of this place for 48 or so hours.

SO what to say about the day? We got a patented for the rotary washing machine. I know that aint much new to you, but rest assured when that patented was filed, it wasn't big news either...the First Continental Congress of the U.S. adjourned in Philadelphia. Hear ye hear ye! Let's kick some British ass!...in 1955 the first "The Village Voice" was published in NY. I read this paper online and enjoy it a lot. You would too. Check that shit out, especially the Savage Love column. That shit is funny. And kind of scary at time. Entertaining non the less. ITMFA!!!!....Remember Baby Fae? To sad to write about, wikipedia that shit. But I would do what ever it takes to spend as much time on earth with my child. Even if its only 21 days. Crazy how stories like that really fuck with your emotions when you have kids...Yea Yea Gretzky may have been the first player to 2000 points, but Mario Lemieux (Pittsburgh Penguins) scored his 500th National Hockey League (NHL) career goal against the New York Islanders in his 605th game. He became the second-fastest player to attain the plateau. Wayne Gretzky had reached 600 goals by his 575th NHL game.

Alright folks, keep comin back today. I got the feeling some haiku is in order.

Oceanshaman...enjoy your new found freedom.

Morning Wit

Greetings on this wet and rainy day! Well here it is wet and rainy, but we need it after the last 5 months of drought. But on with the show, guess who that fellow is. Come on, you know him, or better yet you know of him. That is Pablo Picasso. He was born on this day in 1881. The argument could be made that he is the most influential artist of the 20th century. Now I could agree with that, but my heart lies with the impressionists. So I will always put the work of Monet ahead of him, but that is just personal preference. Everyone likes something different, thats why we say "beauty is in the eye of the beholder." There is over 50,000 works of art out there by Picasso. They span all kinds of periods: WWI, WWII, Cubism, the 50's, the 60's. Dude lived till 1973. SO if your in college and need to write a paper, here is a subject for you, Picasso's blue period. Here is one of my favorite Picasso paintings. The Old Guitarist. I love this period of his work, of course there are plenty of other paintings he did I love, sculptures too, but I don't have that much time to show you all that jazz. Just enjoy this and drink your coffee.

Here are some other points of interests for the day. In 2137 B.C., Chinese Royal astronomers, Ho and Hsi, were executed after not predicting a solar eclipse that caused panic in the streets of China. Now thats how they handled their shit back in the day. You fail, you die. So take it easy on yourself, the human race is more understanding now than its ever been.

In 1955, the microwave oven, for home use, was introduced by The Tappan Company. Because god wanted people to cook a turkey in 12 seconds. I still hate how a microwave will cook that out rim of my soup and I have to mix that cooked skin in with the soup. Call me petty, but you think they could have solved that problem by now. WTF? It's been like 50 years since this technology was made available to the public, you should be able to heat your soup with out some weird skin forming around the edge.

And for a bit of music knowledge, on this day in 1960, Mick Jagger and Keith Richards accidentally met on a train. They had known each other previously from school. In 4 years The Rolling Stones would appear on the Ed Sullivan Show. Who knew?

Human socials, way earlier than expected...

Apparently humans have been throwing clambakes for thousands of years. Well for over 164,000 years ago to be precise. Now why is this significant? First, this sort of behavior, partying down on the beach and eating seafood, was thought to have happened about 120,000 years ago, so that leads one to believe that we either evolved earlier than thought, or small clusters of humans developed faster than others. But wait on that cause its a whole other discussion. See I have been saying this all along, its way easier to live by the sea and eat from its bounty than hunting or be hunted on the plains of Africa. Now some of us still get down with the hunt, buts thats only for the use of firearms or other weapons. Hey seafood is way better for you. Plus its a party folks. Lets get some food, paint ourselves up and party down. Now here is where the imagination comes in. So there is the scene, people celebrating the seafood harvest, eating and what not, what else did they do? Dance? Did they have music or at a minimum a beat to dance to? Were there other rituals? Marriages? Celebrations? Or was it just a great social gathering? All very interesting questions. Does it sound like those folks were dumbass cavemen with very limited social interaction? Not to me. The clambake is a complicated social event. Still to this day.

Believe me when I say, we know nothing of our past.

Morning Wit

Man this is a boring ass day in history. Brutus killed himself, which wasn't a bad thing cause if your eyes ever wondered to the back of Newman's Cesar Dressing, the "Don't dilute us Brutus!" saying is fucking hilarious. It does make for some good salad though...NBC managed to broadcast a videotape today in 56. See what I mean? Who really cares about this crap aside from tech junkies?

There was that whole Russian school massacre back in 02. That is still to close to talk about. Scary stuff. Terrorism flexing it self. Funny how this generation thinks we are the only ones to experience terror. Any of you remember Carlos the Jackal?

Anyway, here is a quote I found for the day-
"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."
- Groucho Marx

Alright, there will be light posting today, maybe, I got to attend a meeting this afternoon.

Fall Haiku

cold dew streaks windows
the willow leaves shade to brown
sunlight warms my face

Morning Wit

Greetings and welcome to the work week! Some ballsy shinizzle went down today back in 1797, the first parachute jump was made. Think of that for a hot minute. Would you jump out of a balloon around 3000 feet with 1700's technology? HELL NO!

ANd this gentleman here on the right is Pretty Boy Floyd. So my question to my female readers is he a pretty boy? To me he looks kinda boyish, but I would not consider him pretty. I guess its all gangsta innuendo. Anyway the feds killed his pretty ass on this day in '34.

And back in the day, 1939 to be precise, the first pro football game was played. Brooklyn beat Philly. Philly better get used to it.

But here's the kicker for the day, 1975 - Air Force Technical Sergeant Leonard Matlovich was discharged after publicly declaring his homosexuality. His tombstone reads " "A gay Vietnam Veteran. When I was in the military they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one." I always get a kick out of telling upstanding red ass America they there are gays all through out the military. Watching them shudder and deny deny deny. Well they guys are there, they do the job as well as anyone, and former soldiers like me who served with gay soldiers could give a two shits less about the whole deal. Hell 2 of my best drinking buddies were gay. Life in the military would have been a complete drag with out them. One girl is still in. 15 years and counting. It is a strange dynamic though, hard core christian bible thumpers and gays standing next to each other in ranks.

Have a nice day!

Fall Haiku

bay grass tassels burst
wet stones shine in the driveway
soft rain comes and goes

Morning Wit

Greetings amigos. This is a small footnote in history, but today marks the first battle of Ypres in WWI. This, in my opinion, is one of the bloodiest, harshest, and bearing battles ever fought in any war. The men who fought for the Allies got the short end of the stick here. See this here map? On the right side of that bubble was the Germans, on the left side Allied forces. Notice how that bubble curves into German ground? This meant that those men who were entrenched there got shells and bullets rained on them from 3 sides. To make matters worse, Germans retreated to the high ground and left the swampy mess to the Allies. Everyone dug trenches and settle into what is now called "mutual siege". Nice if your feet are dry. This little bulge became known as "The Bloody Salient" and with good reason. Bullets and trenchfoot killed equally. And the artillery. Look at this shot from the air. They rained shell after shell down. The troops spent most of their time in holes in the ground. There has been numerous books written about this part of WWI, documentaries have been made, hell even the science channel is getting in on the action these days. Pure hell. WWI took millions and millions of lives. I don't think people in this day and age understand that. The size of the sacrifice.

And the last thing I want to bring up is today is Evander Holyfield's birthday. Dude is 55 and looks great. All I got to say is you got to stop fighting. It really is gonna hurt you. You should want to ride out these last few decades of your life with the ability to recall your glorious past. Dude you were one of the best ever. A warrior in the ring, but please, for your own sake, give it up.

The Art of War

Sun Tzu says
"Poverty of the State exchequer causes an army to be maintained by contributions from a distance. Contributing to maintain an army at a distance causes the people to be impoverished."


Now this makes sense. We you have an army in the field for an extended period of time, it will tax the nation that supports it into poverty. This Iraq war is doing a fine job of destroying the middle class in this country. All I got to say is less than 1% of the population has over 21% of the money.

I have been tagged!!!

Alright, I got the tag from Oceanshaman the other day and I am finally getting round to posting this up. Below is the task...

5 things you want to be when you grow up. Big dreams that seem like folly, but in your heart of hearts are very real and dear to you. Things that maybe you have forgotten about in the ebb and flow and toil of the everyday, but that never really leave your soul. What you would do if anything at all at all was possible. Spend some time day dreaming…and then post them on your blog, passing the idea along to 5 others..because sometimes we need to pause and remember our dreams, hey? Maybe just saying it out loud will help you discover even little ways you can make them happen. You can write about that, too.

1. I want to write something memorable. You know something like "I think therefore I am." or "Transformers: more than meets the eye." Hell I would settle for that. Does this mean I want to be a celebrated author, not really. I guess a professor would be the right choice of words. I guess the ultimate end goal here is I want a phd. You know, Dr. Historical Wit.

2. Learn the art of flyfishing. All of it. Always had a thing for flyfishing. Always will. So I been on the path to fishing enlightenment since I was a kid.

3. Another dream I have had since I was about 12 was to own 10% of IBM stock. I know that sounds pretty lame, but I heard that once when I was 12 and it stuck. If I owned 10% of IBM stock, I could do what I wanted.

4. I want to be a pilot. Not any of that 747 crap either. I am talking P-51 mustangs. Piston driven power. If I was of age in WWI, I would have tried to get into that, even WWII, Korea, but after that probably not. Today, if I could be a cropduster, I'd do it. But I read that is a dying industry, so not much incentive to pursue that, but if money wasn't an issue....

5. This is something I always wanted to do and am on my way to accomplishing that. I wanted to start a family and grow it up right. Something that my pops couldn't do. Twice, maybe three times. It will take time, but I got that in spades.

So those are my goals, my aspirations. The things I wish I could do and the things I am trying to do.

Unfortunately, I know not of 5 people to pass this onto, so this is what it is.

Morning Wit

Greetings all my peeps out there. Hope you are doing well. Today we hold witness to the greatest bargain in the history of this country. We bought Alaska from the Russians for about 2 cents an acre. All those resources, all that pristine wilderness, all that salmon. I thought the Lousiana purchase was a big deal, but Napolean was strapped for cash. The Russians pretty much didn't want to defend it so they unloaded it. Good for us eh? Either way the Russians are not hurting for remote wilderness, they do cross 8 time zones after all. See Americans at the time actually didn't want Alaska and ragged on Mr. William Henry Seward for making the deal, but people quickly ate that crow when they found gold up there. Funny how a little money changes everything. So instead of "Seward Folly" we got the Klondike gold rush, which in someway has to be connected to the Klondike Bar. Which is good for all of us, cause what wouldn't you do for a Klondike?

Other spots in history today include this: Mason and Dixon drew a line. Who knew where that would go?

And back on this day in 1969, artificial sweetners were banned because it was discovered they caused cancer. Seriously. So why in the hell are you still using them. I know I know, there is a report you once read that said blah blah blah. What? You gonna stake your life on the faith you have in a report. Remember the definition of faith, belief without proof. Now that might be all good with religion, but just buy that organic sugar ok? It's good stuff. Or have you tried sugar in the raw? Good stuff also.

And here is your Prince quote of the day:

In France, a skinny man died of a BIG disease
With a little name
By chance his girlfriend came across a needle
And soon she did the same
At home there are 17-year-old boys
And their idea of fun
Is being in a gang called The Disciples
High on crack and totin' a machine gun
- Prince, Sign 'O' The Times

Prince is the closest thing we got to Elvis, so enjoy while you can. And if you haven't seen his show, you need to go. Make it a pilgramige. Dig?

Morning Wit

Well folks sorry for the lack of writing, but I have been ill the last few days. Just some mild flu and body ache stuff. Still getting the hot flashes but good enough to work.

Alright kiddies lets take a gander at the past and see what's interesting out there today. Well I would have to say the biggest event of the day is Al Capone was sent to the clink for tax evasion. Ain't that some crap? I mean this guy has been the image of what it means to be a gangster for a few generations and all they could get him on was tax evasion? Either way it ultimately landed his ass in Alcatraz because they said he manipulated the system and was living the cushy life in the ATL. In the end we got a great movie by that other guy named Al and that eventually lead us to the fabulous ring tone "Say hello to my little friend!" If any of you actually bought that shit, shame on you.

Ahh on this day in in 1918 we got the fabulous Rita Hayworth. Pop icon, sex symbol, WWII super pinup girl. What more could you ask for? And then there was Gilda, still a great flick. If you want to watch what a movie is supposed to be all about, rent it. Most kiddies this day and age couldn't follow it cause its all dialogue. But thats not the most impressive thing about her, it was the dancing. Most people have this perception that Fred Astaire was the shinizzle when it comes to dancing, and while the man was good, Rita and Ginger Rogers were way better. Why some of you may gasp? Cause they did everything he did, but backwards and in heels. Why do you think he wanted to stop working with both of them? People started to figure that shinizzle out. Props to Ginger, but Rita was the full package. Out of that era of actresses, Rita and later Audrey Hepburn were timeless.

Alright, you all have a good day. Watch out for the flu bug, its out there.